nookiepowered | Archetype Cafe lyrics

Archetype Cafe

Lady MacBeth said to Helen of Troy
When they finished the wine they'd been drinking
"I'm all for regicide once in a while, but
Helen, dear, what were you thinking?"
Helen smiled back enigmatically, for she'd
Never much cared what her friends say
And the Ladies' Historic Society meets
Down at Archetype Cafe on Wednesday...

Helen confided to the warrior, Jeanne d'Arc
That the war would have happened without her
And Joan with her visionary eyes all aflame
Had seen killing enough not to doubt her
Circe was conjuring bacon and eggs
To the evident delight of young Sovay
And the Ladies' Historic Society meets
Down at Archetype Cafe on Wednesday...

And Lady Macbeth chaired the meeting and gave
An impassioned plea for us to hear that the maddened and
Murdering witches, hags whores and bitches
Are history twisting the tale.
So they'll tell you Medea was jealous,
They'll tell you Boudicca took poison and died
And they'll give you a Line to yourself, or a place on the shelf
If you wedded a better-known male.

Rapunzel was braiding the hair of the werewolf
Who always wore scarlet for hunting
Annes Bonney and Boleyn were fencing again
For the prize of a worn baby bunting
Josephine Baker's twelve princesses danced
Isadora kept score with Salome
When the Ladies' Historic Society meets
Down Archetype Cafe on Wednesday ...

And before Lady Mac thanked the speakers
The questions rang out from the floor;
We challenged our daughters' perceptions to change
And we challenged our sons' even more.

Oh they'll tell you Boudicca took poison,
Circe was wicked and Sovay was hung,
They'll tell you Evita was idolised, Mary was holy
And pure, Juliet was too young .

They'll tell you that... Helen was 'pretty' and poor Joan was 'mad'
And Medea was 'jealous', and I was just 'bad'
And the Ladies' Historic Society dines
On the finest of foods and the choicest of wines
And if I knew where Archetype Cafe was now
I'd book us all tables for Wednesday...

Archetype Cafe: the Men's Side

Richard of Gloucester told Robin Hood,
As he passed him his tankard for fillin',
"God knows I was never the hero in life,
But I tried to do well as a villain."
Robin remarked with an eye on Prince John,
"You might've fared better in my day,"
And the Gentlemen's Mythic Fraternity meet
Down Archetype Cafe on Friday...

John had been cornered by Arthur Pendragon
Who always got maudlin on sherry.
He'd bang on and on about Lancelot's eyes
And the food on the Avalon ferry.
Merlin and Fawkes ran the firework display
And Vlad Dracula kept the place tidy,
And the Gentlemen's Mythic Fraternity meet
Down Archetype Cafe on Friday...

And you couldn't have called it a meeting;
There really was far too much food in the air,
But it seemed that the general consensus of History's offenses
Was "Who said that History was fair?"
For they'll tell you that Richard was boring,
Arthur a bully and Robin a thief,
And it slowly turns everything grey and drains glamour away
Til the legends are starved of belief.

Meanwhile, just downwind of the fart-lighting contest...

Rasputin was listening to William Tell
Still expounding his views upon venery;
Toms Moore and a'Becket were praying again
For the souls of all monarchs named Henry...
Bacon was conjuring Shakespeare -- and Wilde --
While Saint Peter crossed swords with Arroway,
And the Gentlemen's Mythic Fraternity meet
Down Archetype Cafe on Friday...

And when Richard the Third called for order
And laughter rang out loud and clear,
We knew our descendants' perceptions had tittered and changed
But we faced our demise without fear.

For they'll tell you Vlad Tepes was mortal,
Rasputin was sane and Quixote was mad,
They'll tell you that Becket was holy, the Borgias were bourgeois,
And Raffles was simply a cad.

They'll tell you that Arthur's a composite, Fawkes was a gull,
Robin cut purses, and I was just dull,
And the Gentlemen's Mythic Fraternity drink
To the treason of time and the poison of ink,
And if anyone knew where that cafe is now,
They'll find a new Venue by Friday...

nb: the Men's Side lyrics are just the best transcription I could do from a not-always-clear recording of a live performance, since there's no official posting of them anywhere.