43 Unicorn, Monday Morning...ish

[nookiepowered]

When you stumble home from a weekend booty social call in Wales via portal at Godonlyknowswhat o'Clock in the morning (sadly without a stop at your office on the way), you're a little less likely to notice a stranger crashed on your couch than you are when you stumble back downstairs after a few hours of sleep.

And a brief tiptoe around the corner to grab the nearest blunt object.

"If you're somebody I know who suddenly sprouted a penis today, tell me now so we can save us both the concussion and the awkwardness," Bo said, gripping her baseball bat firmly.

Said the woman who saw nothing awkward in wielding a baseball bat while wearing a negligee and a pair of red fuzzy Angry Birds house slippers.

[OOC: for the housemates!]

Comments

[14andseven]

Roland would have liked to claim that this was the first time he'd been woken up by a woman threatening him with a baseball bat.

It was the first time he'd woken up that way and been immediately turned on.

"Uh," he said, then remembered Kenzi's warning to try not to stare at her roommate's boobs. He raised his hands -- and his eyes -- and tried to look non-threatening. "I come in peace." WORD CHOICE, Roland. "Kenzi let me in. I'm not a creepy home invader."

[nookiepowered]

Honestly, Bo would've been insulted if he hadn't had to raise his eyes. Or at least very confused. Slightly more confused than she was now, which was slightly less confused than she'd been a few seconds ago.

"You realize those last two things are so not mutually exclusive," she said, though she lowered the bat to a slightly more casual position.

Because there was a casual position for carrying a baseball bat in your nightclothes in your passes-for-a-living-room.

[14andseven]

"I promise I'm on the side of the light." He might have worded that differently if he knew -- well, pretty much anything about Bo at all.

Well, he knew that her song needed some powerful electric bass, but that didn't actually get much into specifics. And saxophone. Electric bass and saxophone. And probably Barry White.

[nookiepowered]

Yeah, that particular choice of phrase actually opened more questions than it closed, though to be fair she'd have exactly the same reaction if he'd said 'dark.' Namely a cautious narrowing of the eyes and, "Fae?"

[14andseven]

"Roland, actually." People in his world tended to stick to terms like "littles" and "grey folk". He realized he still had his hands raised and started slowly lowering them. "You must be Bo."

[nookiepowered]

"That's me." She offered him the hand that wasn't holding a weapon of skull destruction. "Sorry I got twitchy there; the only light and dark sides I've run across at home turned out to be shorthand for 'bunch of controlling assholes' and 'other bunch of controlling assholes.'"

[14andseven]

Roland added a nice, freewheeling percussion to Bo's growing ensemble and shook her hand. "That's too bad," he said. "Where I'm from, part of the point of the light side is that it doesn't try to control people."

Evan had been very clear on that point. Dark would do whatever the fuck it wanted. Light waited for you to tell it what you wanted.

[nookiepowered]

"See, that's what I'd have thought too, but ours are more 'claims to have your best interests at heart while they do what they want' versus 'doesn't even bother to pretend.'" Bo shook her head and shrugged. He hadn't shoved her in a van and dragged her to a monster martial arts tournament, so she was willing to take him at his word for now. "You want some breakfast? We can offer...uh. Stuff that crackles, stuff that pops, and leftover pizza, I think."

[14andseven]

"Admittedly, I only actually met one Light Adept," Roland said, standing up and glancing over to check that his instruments had managed to get through the night unscathed. He'd slept as he almost always did -- fully dressed. "He was very convincing, though."

One of the great tragedies of Roland's life was that he'd probably never find quite that same song again.

"Whatever you might have is fine," he said. "Would you like me to get dishes or anything?"

[nookiepowered]

"Paper bowls, cabinet over the sink." WHAT? Were you volunteering to wash them, invisible disapproving onlooker? "Also, toothpaste, footlocker. That wasn't a hint or anything - just letting you know in case Kenzi didn't."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

About the time that Bo was handing over the sugar bombs, Kenzi staggered out of her room, sunglasses on. "Timezit?" She waved to both of them, and went rummaging for coffeeeeeeeee.

[14andseven]

"Morning," said Roland. ". . . ish."

At least she didn't have a bat.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Kenzi nodded, mostly glad that she hadn't missed work, then pointed to the cereal and made a pitiful noise that might have been 'mine' or 'whyyy?'

[14andseven]

Roland handed her the box. "This explains a lot."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Mrrrr?"

That was Zenkie, not Kenzi, although she gave him a similar look of inquiry while Zenkie attempted to bond with Roland's ankles and beg for food.

[14andseven]

The noise Roland let out was not terribly manly. He refused to be ashamed. "You're a cat," he told Zenkie. "You're supposed to hunt for yourself."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Identical looks of Are you for real? were now being directed at him by cat and Kenzi. Kenzi then poured some milk into the nearest paper bowl for Zenkie, and put it on the floor.

"Dude, she's the size of a dust bunny. What's she going to hunt down and kill? Aside from the odd sock?"

[14andseven]

"I don't pretend to understand the mystery of cats," Roland said. "They're masters of deception."

[nookiepowered]

"Time to talk about how we should set up a Look Ma He Followed Me Home Please Don't Bust His Head In signal?" Bo suggested with a nod at the bat she'd propped against the counter.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

This filtered into Kenzi's brain in about the time it took her to find the button on the coffee maker and get it started.

"...oops?" She paused and said, "He's a refugee from the DoomHaus. I had to take him in."

[nookiepowered]

"A refugee." That was Bo's dubious face, yes. Well, one of them. She had a lot of dubious faces. At least it was one of the slightly amused dubious faces? "Am I gonna wake up tomorrow to find a mansion breaking down our door to get him back?"

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"If we do, I vote we surrender and demand to be taken to its leader," Kenzi said, looking intrigued and hopeful. "Unless that's Doom. In which case, we assassinate its leader and declare a free republic of the House. Ville. Casa. OOOooooo Casa Kenzi!"

Wait, what was your point, Bo? Kenzi drank out of the coffee pot while trying to remember.

[nookiepowered]

"Doom's gone," Bo pointed out. "Wait, Roland was living with him?" Bo didn't have Kenzi's irrational hate-on for the metal-masked guy, but... "He didn't seem like a space-sharing kind of dude."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"I think the Perky Teacher who beat me to the punch and decorated their mailbox invited him," Kenzi explained, then went looking for a non-hazardous mug to pour the rest of the coffee into. "Roland's a street musician. Not Doom's type. I guess the place is kind of falling down now, without His Evilness to prop it up with the power of his arrogance."

[nookiepowered]

"I'd say save some of that for the rest of us poor portal-lagged schmucks," Bo said, eying the coffee pot, "But I'm kind of afraid of how long it's been in there."